In a fugue

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It’s been a…weird day. I woke up and fell asleep three times (no thanks to the assholes that thought loud music and open windows are appropriate in fucking midnight), got tenderly reminded by my bank of both my distressingly low account balance and jobless state and realised that my end-of-term o’clock mini-depression arrived just on time. What do I mean by that? Well, you know that state of constant hyper-awareness that you live in when you have a looming deadline, when everything is super intense and you begin to wonder exactly how many shots of espresso are in that cup anyway? To paraphrase Count Dooku, “Twice the high, double the fall”. Suddenly I don’t have deadlines (except for the blog-related ones). Suddenly my readings are for mid-April rather than mid-next week. Suddenly I realise I’m not quite sure what to do with myself now. Oh, I have ideas, things I want to do, things I kind of have to do (like laundry). But how?

All these thoughts in my brain before even breakfast, they just made me want to crawl back under the blankets and pretend the world ended. But if I’ve picked anything after four years in England is that the best thing to do is to ignore what the whining in my head says. So I pulled myself out of bed and in a half-decent attire and walked to town. Maybe a nice breakfast would help…To give credit where credit is due Aubrey’s  vanilla ice-cream, caramel biscuit, espresso crepe made me feel a little better. But not for long.😦 So I moved on to the next thing on the list of things that usually work: walking around with music. And then the next: bookstore browsing. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. I’d feel better for a few minutes and then go back to wanting to cry in a corner. Or lay down and stare at the ceiling/sky. So I gave up. Yup! Don’t expect a miracle to happen. Not this time.

I walked home, fixed me some lunch and sat down to watch Hocus Pocus and the Witches of Eastwick back to back. And here I am now, still in that damn fugue state, only with two more movies to quote from and more dishes that need washing. I guess I’ll just have to chuck today in the Life-sucks bin and hope that tomorrow will be a little better. Or that a miracle will land on my lap. Hm….I wonder if I could get away with lighting anything bigger than a tea-light….-suspicious glance at ceiling fire alarm-  You gotta admit, sometimes you have to use the less conventional methods…

 

 

 

 

 

 

P.S. And before anyone panics, no, that does not mean I’m planning on setting anything/one on fire. I’m not the freaking Joker!

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