(“Awkward” being a word I normally cannot spell…) What you ask? The weather for one. -glares at overcast sky- The relative calmness of my mental state for another. No kidding, since I started back with the full time research again I’ve been much more…balanced is not quite the right word but you know what I mean. I’m basically pulling a Hermione Granger, diving in books, taking notes, finding more books to read…It’s…nice. Familiar. The sort of thing that I can be comfortable with.
Books, stories, they’ve always been easier to be around than people. I enjoy talking to people (sometimes) but it’s so hard to figure out what they actually mean most of the time. Sarcasm and irony, those I can handle. Heck! Most of what comes out of my mouth falls under those categories. It’s when this isn’t an option that things get hard. I know, right? Straightforward would be harder for me….
What the pretty angel in a trench-coat said. I sometimes wonder if there was some sort of mandatory class in how to communicate with other people that I missed. I know I’m not the only leaving conversations feeling like they missed something.
And yet, even with the underlying note of stress that never seems to leave me these days, I’m good. Not totally ok but cautiously finding myself willing to venture out of my cave. We had a careers fair the other day and being surrounded by noise and people wasn’t quite as overwhelming as it might have been two weeks ago. I suppose the sunshine on the past few days helped too. I’m always better when I’m under the sun (even if I go home and feel like I’ve boiled my brain.)
So there! Tiny steps, plenty of books, (hopefully) more sun to bask under and very limited human contact. Sounds good to me.