In which I am doing a “Dear Diary” thing

Standard

Which really is a fancy way of saying I’ve managed to hit new lows on the whole how-to-human thing and this will result either in a breakdown of some sort (I suspect it will involve plenty of walking in the cold and/or cooking) or in a spectacularly bad piece of writing (even by my own standards). Funny thing is, if I’m to be 100% honest here, for once it’s not entirely my fault! Cold comfort but hey!

So how did I manage to dig myself even deeper in my hole? It started when, after months of nagging from certain parties, I finally joined Tumblr. For obvious reasons I will not be linking THAT account with this one. Ever. For those who don’t know why that is obvious, let me sum it up with two gifs:

This is me excited about my fandoms and wanting to talk about it with someone: running-around

And this is most people I am on regular speaking terms with:

really

Btw, Dean you are not fooling anyone! (But that’s beside the point….)

Well, not everyone and not all the time but often enough that I figured joining a platform that’s famous for it’s geeking out on any and all subjects might be in order. There seems to be this misconception that storytelling is confined entirely to the literary medium, that other modes of expression are somehow….less everything. Less valid, less important, less worth your time…. But I love storytelling in all its forms and expressions, good or bad, thought through or impulsive. And no, not like this jackass:

Related image

For me a novel, a TV show, a movie or even a song stand on the same ground. But so does fanfiction and fanart and all those little head-canons that are the inevitable results of late night conversations with those friends that also get it. And this is where I’ll go all academic on you, but dammit it used to be that oral storytelling was just as important (if not more) as its written counterpart! Has anyone paused to consider that maybe, just maybe, in our digital age, the explosion of expression that is summed up as “geeking” or “fangirling” is the natural evolution of oral storytelling. We study mythology and folklore, always with the caveat that this is merely one expression (the transcribed one that is) of a story that has been reworked no one knows how many times. Be it memory deficiency, adapting it to different audiences or even tailoring it to the storyteller’s personal beliefs, so long as the heart of each story stayed true it remained current and loved. And you cannot convince me that there has never been a skald or a bard or a minstrel that’s been booed to silence because he messed up a beloved story. Want a more recent example? How about the recent explosion over Harry Potter and the Cursed Child and whether or not it stayed true to the source material? Or the changes made in adaption from book to movie for the Percy Jackson trilogy or even the Hobbit? We love our fandoms because they are our generation’s mythologies, so it stands to reason that we’d want to talk about them and defend them.

This little rant out of the way, you’d think, since I feel so passionate about the subject, that Tumblr would be a virtual paradise for me. In some ways it is. So much more material for me to access on all my interests. People with the same likes just as eager to talk about them. I don’t have to hold myself or my enthusiasm back, at all! It’s like the first day in a new school all over again! Which, for someone who makes this awkward nugget…

cas-fbi

…look well adjusted  on her worse days, is not the best of scenarios. I didn’t think it’d be possible to get tongue-tied writing anything other than covering letters (which I’m blaming on whoever is currently taking credit for bureaucracy) but it has actually happened! I read once that people who cover their mouth when they smile, usually, have been repeatedly told that they don’t have a nice smile/white enough teeth/something else equally stupid. By that logic, being told too often that being passionate about something and eager to share it is wrong/boring/irrelevant/immature (and yes, I’ve heard all these, most often followed by or preempted by “What are you up to these days”), will eventually lead you to hesitate sharing anything. Even in an environment where you know it is safe, nay welcomed to do so. I guess it goes hand-in-hand with my eternal question “how do you make friends?” but when I have to stop myself from typing “sorry for bothering you” when I am giving an episode reaction/recap to a friend even after being expressively told that it’s cool…well…. There’s a reason I tend to identify with the socially awkward and/or antisocial characters.

What am I gonna do about it? Most likely take it in stages, move at a glacial pace and hope for the best. The whole social-butterfly boat sailed but when I was five but maybe I’ll find a few more quiet, screaming-inside people and we can apologise and share fun facts to each other like the world’s weirdest game of Chinese whispers?

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