Sue me, I like her stuff! And I had her playing in the background while doing some work and some of her older songs started playing so yeah. If I had to pick two songs to sum up the Pandemonium (I do so love this word!) that is my mind right now it’d be these two. I think I’m somewhere between them in the the-heck-I’m-doing scale.
The rope in question being that beautifully thin line between self-delusion and compartmentalising (and try saying that three times fast!). Those who know me in any capacity know that I can panic easily. Not in the ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh hyperventilating kind but rather in the twenty-scenarios-imagined-in-under-10-seconds kind. Bless my writer’s mind! Of course, on a good day, that means I am pretty much prepared for any eventuality up to and including the zombie apocalypse. On a bad day my inner conversation makes the Everything Wrong video series sound like a panegyric. Add to that my ever-present underlying conviction that just because I think something is a good idea, doesn’t mean other people will think so too (and no, telling me otherwise will do nothing. To paraphrase Dr. Banner; “This one’s brain is like a bag of cats.”). The result? A compulsive need to drown myself in tears (and I’m not adding Bailey’s to that because that shit is expensive!) whenever the words “covering letter” are mentioned. I can argue till Kingdom Come on Chaucer and Aristotelian philosophy, I can play Devil’s advocate for just about any Dark Side character but ask me to tell why you should hire me and all my words desert me.
I’m at my best when you shove me off the deep end and tell me to swim. Throw me a Code Red and I’ll deliver. Ask me to explain it well in advance and I’ll sound like a bumbling idiot. Hence, one of the most terrifying questions for me (right up there with “Why should we hire you?” and “How do you feel about x/y/z?”) is “What are your plans?”
Gal in my case but yeah. Homicidal Lunatic from Gotham has a point. I just kind of do things. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. Some things I like/enjoy/revel in more than others. But the point is, there is no plan. No, no, no! When other people make plans, God laughs, is that not the saying? When I make plans (and declare them) it’s an automatic jinx. I kid you not, it’s happened waaaaaay often to be a coincidence.
So, until I have a divine revelation where some sort of deity swears on themselves that no, they’re not messing with me because they’re bored, please world stop asking about my plans. I’ve no plans, alright? I’ve vague ideas of possibly-good things to do. And then there’s the pile of things I should/must/am expect to do. And I try to make them coincide. Somehow. Compromise, compromise, compromise.
It’s not that I want to avoid responsibility or that I wanna stay a kid forever. I’m not bleeding Peter Pan. It’s that most of the time I’m stuck in this weird Limbo where I know all of the above, heck I even acknowledge it, but don’t know how to get out. Why? Partially because I just suck. Partially because when they taught us Home Economics at school they felt it was more important to teach us the difference between “nuclear” and “extended” family instead of, I don’t know, how to adult!
I finally truly hit that uni is almost over. And I say almost because I still have my thesis to obsess about, so expect a lot more gushing/groaning on that department. Thinking back however, there’s a few things I’d like to share that I think will stay with me for a long time:
- Most of the stuff you learnt after year 6 is irrelevant. Unless you do Creative Writing. In which case everything is relevant.
- Movie/TV references are the currency.
- There is no such thing as optional reading.
- Laundry doesn’t get lost. It multiplies in your absence.
- Walking distances are proportional to your bank account.
- The faster you learn to cook, the faster you become popular.
- Hand-written notes rule!
- Opinions don’t matter. Everyone will do their thing regardless.
- Online shopping (window or not) can be addictive.
- The walls are always less soundproof than you think.
- You will feel decades older than the first years. And you will find yourself quoting your grandmother.
- Supernatural has gifs for everything.
- Scented candles always help.
- Any day is pancake day (and any time for the matter).
- Having fancy-dress costumes is more important than having practical clothes.
- You will run out of pain killers the day before you need them.
- Illnesses can be postponed through sheer will-power.
- Embrace the geek.
- Learn to saw. Tights are expensive when you buy them every second week.
- Weather and temperature have no relation to outfit choices.
- It is perfectly acceptable to go to the supermarket in your pyjamas.
- You will develop as seventh sense tuned to find the nearest chocolate. Also an eighth one for coffee.
- Fairy lights are an essential decoration.
- So are skull-shaped candle holders. (I have diverse interests…sue me!)
- Carrying around a creepily questionable book and openly reading it in public will -hopefully- repel any unwanted social interactions.
- Morpheus is the most important god ever worshipped.
- Your music tastes will inevitably shift to things your teenage self would cringe at.
- Disney is still awesome!
- There’s never enough money.
- There’s never enough time.
There’s more, but if I kept going we’d be here till Kingdom Come. One day, many years from now, when I’ll be a mostly-functional adult, I will write the full thing. Then print it out and use it to wallpaper my house. Just because I can. I did mention that I’ll be mostly functional, didn’t I? 😉
How have I spent 22 years on this planet not knowing this is a thing? Seriously! I think I’ll brave the (generally incomprehensible) editing platform…
-five minutes later-
Greeeeat…. It seems that in all of Athens only ONE Ben & Jerry’s is participating. I’m going to hold out hope that maybe that’s just a case of the site not being updated timely but if it’s true! Well then. To the rest of the shops, you suck! Come on, I know there’s more shops, I’ve walked out of some repeatedly. Would it seriously dent your quarterly reports to participate? But I’m running ahead of myself. I’ll leave this off here and pick it up tomorrow. Hopefully with fingers sticky from deliciously free ice-cream.
Nope, no free ice cream found. And I walked a big part of the city centre today, trust me. Was pretty fun, especially the herbs and spices shop (some of them are plucked straight out of Diagon Alley, let me tell you!) But it was pretty crowded, everywhere, and, well, there’s a reason I don’t do social interactions at a large scale. Came home, buried myself under my duvet and oh sweet silence welcome at last! Not for more than an hour unfortunately, since I hadn’t eaten since breakfast (coffee doesn’t count!) and it was past five in the afternoon at that point. Now, if you know me, you know that being hungry and having my stomach turn at the thought of food either means that I’m sick (and that was yesterday and the day before, so no way) or I’m retreating to hibernating fox mode. What’s that you ask? No, it’s not a proper term (though it should be, foxes are cuddly!). Basically it’s what I call those days when anything more involved than watching fan videos and each chocolate buttons (with the occasional nap and/or cry session because all the tension needs to get out at some point) is just too much.
Unfortunately, the Universe is not giving me this one. Job applications to fill out. Yeah, no. If I can’t convince myself to make a chicken sandwich when I’m hungry and the chicken is right there, I don’t think writing covering letters will go well. Especially since, you know. You’re supposed to be sickeningly enthusiastic. Or something. Ugh. I need a cat to cuddle. And one of those 2lt bowls of profiterole. The Baileys-laced variety.
I hope your week is panning out better. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll go stare at the ceiling.